Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
