He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
