You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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