oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
