i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
