eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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