I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize