Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
