The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
