I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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