sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
