Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
