At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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