dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
