At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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