Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
40s are totally the cure
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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