I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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