found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
