you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
