So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
