Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
