did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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