after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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