All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
