I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
