i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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