Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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