So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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