My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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