I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
