I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
