3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
