Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
