if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
