i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
