do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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