she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
