sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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