he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
