I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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