happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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