my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
