I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
