Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
