My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
