How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize