Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
