Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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