What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My liver is preforming stress tests.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
