Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
