This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
