wanna go halves on a baby?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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