I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
