i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
