he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
