Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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