I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
