What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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