how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
