I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am available for nakedness
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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