I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
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I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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