I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
