Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
