Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
