honey bunches of taint.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
