I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
