no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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