I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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