We won't sleep together?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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