i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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