Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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