I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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