I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
