i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
