dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
