I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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