No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found puke in my bra..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
