my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
