but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
