He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Someone signed my nipple.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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