i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
