I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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