They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
